Following a recent spate of punctures I submit the following from a Hertfordshire D.A. Newsletter - circa 1975.

TECHNICAL TIPS

How to repair a Puncture.

1. If one or more of your wheels on your bicycle are flat this means one of three things :
a) You haven't pumped it up.
b) Some "Gentleman" let it down.
c) You have a puncture.

If (c) is the case, continue reading and following these instructions.

2. Dismount and say "I say chaps and chappesses I believe I may have a puncture".
3. After they've all ridden on, invert your bicycle into an inverted position.
4. A spanner to undo the wheelnuts would be jolly useful at this point, unless you have quick release, in which case you twiddle the twiddley bit till your wheel falls out.
5. Next job is to remove the tyre. It is best to do this with tyre levers. Tin snips may be used, but sellotape will be required to repair the tyre and wheel afterwards. This is not a recommended method.
6. Having removed the tyre, next remove the inner tube. Note! It is best to remove the valve nut before removing the inner tube, as the valve is jolly useful when attached to the inner tube.
7. Fit new inner tube with tyre onto wheel and pump them up hard.
8. Say "Oh what a silly Billy I am not to have removed the original cause of the puncture".
9. Repeat instructions 5 and 6.
10. Find cause of original puncture and remove from tyre or rim.
11. Find hole in inner tube and roughen area around hole with emery or sand paper. (Note! The valve does not count as a hole.)
12. Glue rubber patch into position with rubber solution.
13. Glue another patch onto the first patch in case you get another puncture in the same place.
14. Fit inner tube and tyre onto rim of wheel. (The inner tube goes on the inside silly).
15. Put valve nut back on and pump up wheel.
16. Pray!
17. Replace the wheel in the bicycle frame.
18. Do up the nuts or twiddly thing again.
19. Invert your inverted bicycle.
20. Mount your bicycle and proceed home before your wheel goes down.
21. Send remittance for this never fail patented puncture repair method to :-

Will Deflated and Ivor Puncture,
Sunny Banks Funny Farm,
College Lane,
Roe Green, Hatfield.